The Brightness of Heaven’s Pure Gold

The Brightness of Heaven’s Pure Gold
In the course of your life, may you never lose sight
of God and his magnificent power.
For God is worthy of trust…and able to reveal
His strength unto you every hour.
When you need the wisdom and knowledge to grow
God will send you situations unknown.
But you will learn to cry out for what only He gives
and then later see how much you’ve grown.
There may be seasons you just don’t understand
where the pain seems more than you can bear.
But God will reclaim that brokenness for His ultimate glory
proving the purpose & plan that was there.
You may endure losses…much more than your “share”
or what you ever would have dreamed at the start.
Yet those heartaches are the instrument mysteriously used
to etch the peace of God on your heart.
You may struggle uphill in ways people don’t see
as you seek God through financial strife.
But later on, you will be the one voice in a crowd
to praise God for the basics of life.
You may walk through hard trials and difficult chapters
where others can’t comfort or relate
But you’ll hear the precious voice of Almighty God
and you can handle the stress on your plate.
For there isn’t a time in the course of your life
when God loses the power to hold.
And it’s the shattered, broken vessels of the Lord Jesus Christ
who shine the brightness of heaven’s pure gold.
©Sheila Gosney


It is hard to understand at times what we go through and why sometimes we suffer for so long. This past week my husband had one more surgery and it is so hard to watch him go through the struggles and pain. I wonder at times how much more can Kerry take as he suffers in pain each day. I never understood how difficult it was on both sides of this marriage. I feel as though I lost my partner in life but he is still here. I want my husband back that made me laugh and smile and we had the best times together. Now he lays in a hospital bed downstairs most days and nights in pain. He always has hope even after almost 11 years that someday he will get out of this pain and I know it is not going to happen until he gets to heaven but for now I have to watch him in pain. It is so hard to watch someone that you have loved so much just cry in pain and nothing you do helps! Medications do not even touch the pain and only in sleep is he peaceful....He had another surgery to repair tears in the stomach wall and scar tissue that the doctor feels nerves were trapped and caused the pain and suffering he has had since November. Now we wait to see if he is better in a few weeks...just wish for a day I could take his pain away! hugs, cheryl

Life and more doctors...

Today I had another appointment with the Movement Disorder Clinic...didn't even know this part of life exited...my tremors are worse and no one can tell me why? They want me to do a study for three months and I have been thinking about it since I came home..it is going to downtown Chicago once a week so it is a commitment...it is all paid for but the traveling will take a toll on me...I have to deal with all that has happened to me in the last 10 years of my life..I have to face all the things in my life that I have had to give up, my family that does not talk to me because of what my parents have done for my family to keep us in our home or have done to keep my girls going or Kerry, the husband that I do not have that use to do so much for me, my business that I gave up to take care of Kerry, the trial that we lost that all I can do is pray for the nurses and doctors that they have to live with what they said in the trial, as we have to live with what happened to Kerry and the toll it has taken on my entire life and family, our financial and medical problems that just seem to never end, all the doctors, my girls and trying to raise them the best I can, trying to keep Kerry being positive when he just wants to quit, my parents as they age, and the toll all of this has now taken on my health has hit my body so bad that they feel the tremors are from all these years of stress and more stress....then tonight when I was just laying here thinking about these years my mom emailed me this post I just put on...I haven't called my parents as they just keep telling me over and over they do not know how much longer they can keep us in our home...it has been a lot this year for me to deal with and I think I am handling it but I guess I just keep it all inside which is not good...pray I make the right choices here! I know God is in control and he has taken care of us for 10 years...we have never gone hungry and he has provided a roof over our head for all these years so I need to just put it in his hands and leave it there...hugs and prayers, cheryl

I guess I should not ask for a day off of stress...lol hugs, cheryl

When my mom called this morning I told her I have the morning off and I am all alone as my husband had a driver take him to Chicago as I forgot about a program from the State to drive him as he cannot drive...Kerry told me he would do that so I could have some time to myself...I was so happy to have a morning alone at home...by noon it was all falling apart with Lindsay then she called and told me she didn't even want to live..she was crying so bad and and as a mom you just want to cry...so I did! Tried to see what I could do and nothing seemed to be working out be later today Lindsay found out she has to finish this semester as the loan money cannot be returned for this semester so she is going back to school on Sunday which is good..she needs it...she also got a call this afternoon for a job at a Blood bank as a receptionist and she goes in Monday but they told her over the phone that she was just what they were looking for and the hours will work out for both of them! What a God Watch for her today..like most you were praying a door would open...then I called up to see if they had read Kerry's MRI report and they already had it and I asked for it to be faxed...so at 5 p.m I got the news on his neck and he has a herniated disk of 5 mm pushing on a nerve in his spine..and two others are bulging so he will need to have surgery..I have to give all of this back to God and just rest in his arms...To think I started the week of at Oprah with the subject of Overwhemed Mothers..how fitting! And a neurologists telling me that I am probably too stressed out and sleep deprived...oh my! Thanks for all of your prayers and concerns for our family and all of you that keep us on your prayer lists...I truly appreciate all of you Ruebee's ..hugs and prayers, cheryl

Life...!

I have really been hit over and over but today was not what I ever thought would be happening to me as they have done MRI's and CT scans and they cannot figure out what is happening to my body..then today after being at so many specialist he sat and sat...then I got really nervous and I don't usually feel this way but I could tell something was not going right...he then ordered one more MRI and then wants a workup with a Neurologist...for MS? My heart just sank and I kept it together until I got to the parking lot...then the tears came...it has been a tough 10 years and now after all the fighting to hang on I get told this today..just trying to face more tests and doctors...so tired of it all...Please keep me in your prayers...hugs, cheryl

Please pray for my daughter Natalie..here was my post on Ruebee that I am sharing...hugs, cheryl

On Friday morning before I left for my cervical injection into my spine as I have two herniated disks in my neck Natalie called me...she is 17 and my youngest and she babysits for a Doctors family and then for others in the office for several years now...She was watching the four children and the daughter was sitting in the couch and it had the lazyboy type chair to it and she put it back and the kitten ran under it and Abbey closed it and the kitten got stuck in the couch....Natalie tried to get it out as it was screaming and so were the children ..well the kitten bit and scratched Natalie and she finally called one of the other Nurses she baby-sits for and she came over and they called 911 and they told her they couldn't do anything and they still couldn't get the kitten out so by now Mary the doctor's wife was back and fortunately they called the Fire Dept and they came and it took 5 of them to cut the couch apart and get the kitten out finally...ironically the couch was only 2 months old...Natalie was not hurting too bad when she called me but I had no idea how bad a cat bite is...I left and went for my injection and that evening she told me she was hurting but so was I and it didn't seem all that bad...by Sat. morning she woke me up at 5 crying...I called the doctors office and the nurse told me it would be probably fine...she had no idea how bad cat bites are either...in the afternoon the Pediatrician called me to tell me that she needs on antibiotics as they can really get infected as they are worse than dog bites...and if it got worse to go to ER...so you can probably guess where we spent the night in ER...she had to have IV antibiotics and if it is worse in two days she will have to be admitted as it is really a serious thing and it might go down her arm the infection...I had no idea about cat bites...They looked at us and told us this story about the couch and all they had never heard...sounds like my life once again...then poor Natalie has been through a lot and has no veins to get IV's and it was a tough night. please pray that this infection does not spread...they even put her on Vicodin...Kerry my husband is not doing good and has to have more back surgery and a possible impingement on the neck with a nerve and can hardly lift his left arm...so I have three of us really struggling here,...I know God is in control but wow what a last few months and the last few weeks for me have just felt like a roller coaster ride...Thanks for all your prayers and all your comments on my page...I am so thankful for Ruebee and all of you...I really know God seems to give me just the right people in my life when I need them and all of you I guess have been chosen to go on this part of my journey....hugs, cheryl