Life 101

Guess since I have been on my blog so many things in my life have changed! Now I wish I had kept writing but sometimes life just throws so many curves at you that you cannot figure out where life is going next! Kerry and I got divorced in May...very tough time for all of us! We were married for 26 years and went out for three years! Never, ever did I think this would be me six months later alone in the house of my dreams...I am doing ok and the girls have survived so much this year! I am proud of who they are and what they have been able to go through in life! I think it has made us much better people and will be forever! Kerry lives in Ottawa and yesterday got a phone call that he is looking at moving to Florida...I guess you get the pit feeling inside and I am like most people I will always care about him...I don't love him like I did when we married but caring is something deep inside and I know he is the Father to my girls...he was such an awesome dad before he fell and broke his back! Tears are running down my face as I write this...Life sure isn't what we always dreamed of but we have to keep going and I am...

Very thankful for the friends that have been there for me in the good and the bad times...I am blessed more than I ever imagined! I have met so many new friends and I am so happy to have them in my life! I have so many that would drop what they are doing to help me if I needed them...I have more than I can count on my hands...

I have about five more months in my house till I have to move out but thankful that I have had time to heal and deal with the pain, loss and emotions that go into Divorce...I have to say it is probably harder than death in a way! I now have more sympathy for those that have gone through divorce and now will be that friend to others as they have no clue what it is like! Honestly it is a pit feeling so hard to describe...but I am making it and day by day it seems to get easier! Do I still have crying days? Oh Yeah...do they last as long...No! Thankgoodness!

I have been dating and going places...I never thought this would be me...when I got seperated I honestly didn't think anyone would want to date me...well it doesn't seem to be a problem! Now I just want to find one guy to enjoy life with...Life is going by so fast and the weeks are flying by tooo fast! I am in a Divorce Group in Naperville and Singles groups...they have been amazing support! Meetups.com was a lifesavor for me! I have joined a photography group, wine tasting groups, dating groups! Who would have thought that at 49 life could be honestly good!!! Not me at least ...A year ago I would not have ever thought this is where Cheryl Brown would be at in 2010...kinda now looking forward to 2011 !!! I turn 50 in January and gonna really make a difference in others lives...I have had so many help me that now I want to return the favor! I am planning on going to Africa in May with my church! How awesome to be going to the ends of the Earth and than to be able to give back to people that have nothing! Well, I am back and ready to start sharing my new adventures...I am also being creative and enjoying making things again! Hugs, cheryl

Diskitis..my mom called and told me this is on the MRI..waiting to hear back from the doctors..I knew it was not good!

Diskitis is an inflammation of the vertebral disk space often related to infection. Infection of the disk space must be considered with vertebral osteomyelitis, as these conditions are almost always present together and share much of the same pathophysiology, symptoms, and treatment. Although diskitis and associated vertebral osteomyelitis are uncommon conditions, they are often the causes of debilitating neurologic injury. Unfortunately, morbidity can be exacerbated by a delay in diagnosis and treatment of this condition. The lumbar region is most commonly affected, followed by the cervical spine and, lastly, the thoracic spine.

this is just so strange as I felt something is wrong once again and when I called for the MRI report she told me she had to wait for the doctor to sign off before she could send it but it would be going to the doctors shortly and then they would fax me..I had a weird feeling today..then today someone told me how a hospital should be built in Plainfield..well, tears just came to my eyes as I told them how strange that all of these past two weeks has been the 10 year anniversary and look where we are at..Hospitals, MRI's and Neurosurgeon offices as usual but right at the day's of the anniversary's..she felt bad I could tell and I said if only the truth had come out I could handle it but I have to live with the mistakes and no one can fix them..no one..then my mom and I went home after shopping for a Christmas tree as we needed one that is easier to put up as now Kerry cannot help and my arms are so bad ...I crawled into bed and crashed and mom called a few hours later to tell me what the fax read....my heart sank as I knew that word was not good news...I told her to wait till I turned on the computer and sure enough when I googled it I was right...all the terms and medical things we lived through are facing us for the fourth time with Kerry! I had tears coming down my face and my mom told me to remember to be greatful in all things..just like my mom would say to me at this time..I told her I have learned to say thanks a lot lately to God and what do you think when you have this facing you again? I told her I need to leave a message for the doctor and she told me I could probably still get him..he was still in surgery but the girls are so kind up there and told me they would leave the message on his desk along with Kerry's MRI report...just waiting tonight ...........Kerry is scheduled for his new interthecal pump on Monday but now all of this might change once again! hugs and prayers, cheryl

Making Ends Meet! Dec. 1st is here...where did this year go?

Making Ends Meet

"Therefore do not worry, saying, "What shall we eat?" . . . For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things."
- (Matthew 6:31-32 NKJV)

Sometimes, the simplest promises are the most difficult ones to accept. For instance, God has promised to provide for the basic needs of His people. Food, shelter, clothing . . . God guarantees to give all of these things to those who seek Him. He's a Father, and as such it's in His nature (and well within His means) to see to it that His children have what they need.?



And yet, if there's one aspect of life that keeps Christians awake at night, it's this one. ?How are the bills going to get paid? How am I supposed to keep pace with the rising cost of living? Why can't I ever get ahead? This is the sort of anxiety that Jesus is commanding us to not have.



He tells us the Gentiles (who were the equivalent of unbelievers) live in constant worries about these things. We have something that the Gentiles don't have: a relationship with a Heavenly Father who has promised to make our ends meet. So it's time we started acting like it.



The same God who commands us not to lie, steal, covet, and murder commands us to not worry about where our provision will come from. It is sin to do so because He has promised to meet our needs and cover our lack. By worrying, we're essentially accusing God of lying to us. But to trust Him on this promise is to declare that He is faithful and true.


I just woke up to call and see if Lindsay got in ok and they just got back at 2 a.m. safe~ I guess you never stop worrying as a mom...I can't even imagine being my parents always wondering how we are going to make it each month...they know that God provides but so hard the last 10 years then this past month now the Food Pantry we had been getting food at stopped letting us get food right at the worst time of the year! It seems like it just always is something but it keeps you humble..then the surgery's and wondering how can Kerry make it through any more and the years of legal we went through and why did they get away with the lies??? But we are not to worry and He promises to to take care of us but so hard to keep putting all your worrying at his feet over and over! I know it is the only thing I can do but I am still human and sometimes you just want to figure out something on your own and nothing I can do on my own will fix any of my problems so it is better being placed at his feet once again and Let God take my list of problems and pray about the never ending list! And the medical, legal, financial, and food will somehow be provided for us this month ....hugs and prayers, cheryl

10 years...where did 10 years go!

I had no idea what today was...our lives were so simple 10 years ago..three little girls, a successful business, my husband loved his job as a sales man..we always joked he could sell anything if he could sell toilet paper...a Beautiful home that we owned and our lives were going so well..then November 20, 1998 came and life changed! I know today is just a day but every year I think it will get easier but when I had to put the date down on the papers to sign it hit me ...I stopped and looked up at her and she could tell something was wrong...tears came to my eyes and I tried to write the date! I shared in tears today is 10 years..10 years ago today it all started...Kerry went into the hospital for back surgery and never did I have the same husband that I married but I have not left I have stayed in every kind of situation that has been thrown at us! Through a nightmare of medical errors, mental problems, financial, legal, family, raising three beautiful daughters, we have done all those vows that we took 25 years ago...For Richer or poorer, in sickness or in health, for better or worse...we have done all of them and we are still together! So many times I think I cannot do it one more day! I only think what our lives would have been if so many mistakes had not happened those few days so many years ago but I have to let it go..just let it go! I have to accept this is who I have to live the rest of my life with and just learn to pray for strength for the day! It has not ever been a break from medical but Kerry is still here and still fighting so I have to keep fighting with him...hugs, cheryl

Wednesday...Kerry now needs neck surgery...please pray for all of us..very difficult to go through any more!

I have carried the phone with me for days waiting for he neurosurgeon to call back and ironically I was at the meat market when he called..the tears came as once again Kerry has to have surgery and this will be at least number 10 on his spine and then he still has to have another after this... The lady waiting on me was so kind and she looked at me and asked me , "Don't you live a few blocks right in town in the big green house? " I looked at her and thankful she did know who I was even though I didn't know her and she knew my family and said you have to cry and let it out....she knew Kerry also...we have to go in on Friday to see him to go over things and to set up the appointment..my heart knew it was coming but the phone call that says it is for sure just throws you still...I felt like my feet were going to give out..It is like we just come up for air and then we are zapped once again...I haven't even told him as he has been sick with the flu since Sunday and is sleeping right now...hugs, cheryl
PS..Lindsay did get the job last night and starts today after school..that is a huge God watch...Her birthday is Saturday and she turns 23...the first time we won't be together...:-( I couldn't believe how much we looked alike until this picture last week...

Please keep my daughter and husband in your prayers...hugs, cheryl

Please pray as Lindsay just got letters from her loans and she is not going to be able to afford to go to Bible College unless a miracle happens...she had to file bankruptcy from medical expenses when she got off of public aid at 18 and we could not get her on SS for 18 months..she had over 50,000 in medical expenses and now when she went for student loans they have hit her with huge fees on all of her school loans...then today her laptop crashed...she has to have that to go to class..she came home to go to a wedding this weekend and just got the letters in the mail today...please pray for us that something would work out...if anyone has a laptop please let me know..hugs, cheryl

PS Kerry went to Chicago today for his MRI of his neck...they think he has a nerve pinched in the cervical spine...it seems to never end here...my heart just goes out to Lindsay ..she just wants to go to school so bad...

My dad...it is sad to see them get ill and nothing we can do...

I saw him changing but I thought it will stop and I kept getting phone calls from my daughter Lindsay who lives with them....she would tell me Grandpa is just sitting in his chair starring Mom..I am worried...he isn't talking at dinner time...he isn't going out and helping plant the garden with grandma...I kept thinking this isn't happening...I could hear it in his voice on the phone in the morning as we talk everyday at 6-7 a.m. Then he kept telling me he can't find things and he would misplace things that he always knew right where everything was...this is not my dad. I called his doctor twice and sent him over there and they did blood work and told him to come back in a month. My dad kept telling me how tired he was and exhausted. I started to get even more worried and how he was when I saw him he just wasn't my dad....I called again and spoke to the nurse this time and asked for an MRI and she asked the doctor and it was done over a week ago and the call came the same day Senator Kennedy's test results were announced on TV...I woke up to that and thought please not my dad...a few hours later I got the call that I was right my dad had something wrong with the brain and to bring my parents in to see the doctor today...our lives were changing...I had my middle brother take them over as he is good with my parents and has time for them...my dad has been having mini seizures and we had to go to a neurosurgeon now and I made the appointment for Rush in Chicago as that is where we all go and they were very good and got us right in. The surgeon wanted my dad to have a spinal tap and I got him into Dr. Lubenow and he took him the next day and yesterday my dad had his spinal tap and now we wait for five days to see if it is lymphoma...I think the wait it the hardest...and knowing our lives are forever changing just like my husbands did so many years ago...my husband does not drive and now my dad does not drive and he was my main support all these years...it has just been a devastating loss slowly to see him slip..he cries a lot now and it just reminds me of my husband...please pray for us and for the days ahead for my parents...my mom has so much on her plate and they have so many financial decisions to make..they are wanting to sell our home that we have been in for 24 years...it is our only place that has been safe through out these storms and it is so difficult to go through many more storms as we are all just about broken ships...hugs, cheryl