Faith...it gets hard somedays...

Jesus said,

"I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you."

Matthew 17:20

Kerry had his MRI yesterday and I put it in the computer..it looks so horrible to look back at 10 years of surgeries and all the mess in his back...he can hardly walk the last two weeks and scheduled Monday for a new interthecal pump and we find out today if another fusion is going to happen...then tomorrow is the 10th anniversary of the Day Dr. Caron called to tell us of the infection that invaded my husband's spine after surgery..it is just like yesterday as I can remember that phone call..the surgeon on call made the first phone call but I begged for Dr. Caron to call and I sat on the steps of our basement in tears as he told me what had to be done for Kerry and he had to go back into the hospital..My husband had a pillow over his head crying and crying...my parents were over that day and helping with things around the home and Kerry just wanted to end his life that day then to go back into the hospital..I begged him to go back to the hospital as the infection could get worse...I had no idea how our lives were to change forever from Dec. 5, 1998...a day hard to forget~ I sometimes wonder if the doctors that took care of Kerry ever go back to those days and think if only I had done this..or if only we had not done this he would have been ok? Or the nurses??? Everyone always asks me how do they live with themselves after all they put you through? I sometimes wonder for my childrens sake and my parents as it has not been a day off of this medical nightmare no matter how hard I try to forget it as Kerry is in pain 24/7 and lately just really going downhill no matter what we do medically it just is not helping anymore! hugs and prayers as we wait one more time for the phone call to change our lives with what happens next for Kerry!