Life! I really do keep trying...toilet paper~

Sometimes you just need to cry and cry...it seems like that is what I have been doing lately ...it really stinks but I can't help it.. I think I am just going to wake up and everything will be ok someday and another struggle happens..or another thing put on my plate to figure out how the Brown's are going to make it one more month! Today was my last day for a food pantry that we have been getting food at and now with winter hitting I sure do not have any idea where we are getting it next month from..I so remember the day our church told me to go so many years ago and I just about died that day but I knew I had three little girls at home that needed food and I had no way of providing that ..it seems so long ago..I thought it would only last a year or so and now it has probably been 9 years of going to food pantry's and being humbled ....we got our Thanksgiving meal but Kerry is so hungry for a turkey he wants to make it this weekend...so I guess we have turkey this weekend! He is so excited at putting some of the food away..I haven't told him yet that this is the last month..how do you tell a husband that hasn't worked in 10 years and is disabled that you do not know how we are going to make it..instead I just try to keep it inside but it seems like the stress of 10 years is just doing me in anymore...not sleeping, not wanting to really eat and just plain exhausted! Then so many things that I just wish I could fix and not one that I can...at the place that God has me and I remember so many years ago when I cried out on an October day wondering how we could do Christmas in so many days as the sign had read down at the end of the block...and that day we had also run out of money and toilet paper! Ironically I got two calls and one from Karen Hamilton asking if the school could help us with Christmas from the Needy family fund ...and the other from Hazel Eaton asking if their church could put our names on a tree ...I cried as I told them don't worry about Kerry or I just get the girls something ...well they wouldn't take that for an answer and we were blessed but the neatest thing happened that day and Hazel had no idea that we were out of toilet paper...she just listened to the nudge from God and she went downstairs of her home as I had asked for a crockpot and she had one for me to use until Christmas and brought it over and left it at my doorstep along with 12 rolls of toilet paper...my daughters that day came home and they were all shocked at finding 12 rolls as they knew we had none...I told them that Hazel had no idea about our situation and I had not told her..from that day on we were given toilet paper for four and a half years..always left at our door step not with a note or anything just left by strangers....I guess today I need to be reminded of all those years he took care of the simplest things and reminded me so many times how he cares about even the toilet paper! Tears and all hugs, cheryl